


A Gay Wizard, and an Incompetent Elf

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, South Park: The Stick of Truth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cartman, describes Kyle as a person who doesn't do shit, when in fact Kyle is very much capable of kicking his ass. The wacky (and very gay) adventures of two fucking queer ass idiots.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	A Gay Wizard, and an Incompetent Elf

Magic swirled around Kyle as he floated in the middle of a bed of moss near the roots of the Great Tree. Shades of blue and green danced their way around his hair, through his robes, and in-between his facial features.

And Cartman could only stare in awe at the beautiful elf in front of him, as if what he was seeing was only for him. Kyle had explained to him that sometimes, elves get stressed just as much as humans do, and in order to release that stress, they meditate, which is good for the environment, and for the creature meditating, alike.

Words flowed from Kyle’s lips and Cartman smirked with satisfaction when he suddenly bolted his eyes open. His eyes glimmered with anger, the brilliant green surrounding him flashing a bright orange as he yelled.

“WIZARD!” Cartman was in a way impressed he was found this quickly, none of his sorcerers he worked with could detect him that fast and certainly, if a dirty jew elf could find him, then they’d have a hard time breaking the fragile peace that rested between the two kingdoms.

“GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!” The wizard laughed and waved his staff, teleporting his way in front of the seething king, the smirk from before playing on his face.

“You called oh, great and mighty?” He mocked smugly. Seeing Kyle mad was probably one of the most enjoyable moments of his day. “Yes, and shut up. What are you doing, thinking about trying to interrupt my meditation?” “Why Kahl, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cartman brushed off. Calm and collected and so unlike the usual vengeful fatass that Kyle knew that it infuriated him even more.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Cartman. When I meditate, I can read what’s around me, and as soon as I open the mind link, I hear all the plantation screaming at me about you!”

“Well, I’m sorry, for trying to see my most favorite King.” Cartman sneered, seeing the blush creep up on Kyle’s face from being called his favorite. A sigh flew from the other’s mouth and he turned around and sat back into the original meditating place.

“Fine. You can stay here, just don’t distract me.”

A beat of silence.

“Alright. Not that I like giving you peace, Jew.”

No reply. Instead, Kyle closed his eyes and took a deep breath, raising his hand as if giving a command. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, all at once, the magic was back and powerful. The vines covering the ceiling of the forest flew down to protect their king from the outside intruder, weaving back and forth between Cartman.

“He’s alright.” The voice came out soft and regal. And Cartman scoffed on the inside at that. He was totally a princess.

The leaves and flowers surrounding them in the thick undergrowth were forming a throne under Kyle’s now levitating form. The other rolled his eyes unceremoniously. Of course the High Elf King Kyle was a show off without meaning to. He sat down on the soft moss under him. This was going to take a while wasn’t it?

Wind swirled around Kyle, and formed a fragile, transparent barrier around him. For a moment, it enticed Cartman to move and pop it. The feeling grew as he thought about how the Elf King was so vulnerable here. But the repercussions would be difficult to deal with, and if he was being honest, the wizard didn’t think he would last very long without the Jew to insult.

He examined the space around him pulsating with life. The forest was Kyle’s source of magic...along with the Stick of Truth. Focusing on the forest, Cartman cast an experimental bolt of flame towards one of the plants surrounding Kyle. It was small and harmless, but the plant didn’t even worry about it’s petal smoldering, it shook it, hissed at him, and returned to its dormant state. He blinked in confusion. He’ll have to ask Kyle later about plants hissing, they don’t even have vocal chords…

Kyle stirred, and Cartman stiffened. Was it because of him? He wasn’t ready for a fight, at least not now. His mana had been pretty low, and casting that spell had cost the very last bit he had. He had potions but taking one took time-

“Where?” Kyle mumbled. His eyes were closed but Cartman glared at him suspiciously.

“Ah. Protect us please...yes, and them too.” The elf had his arm out, letting a vine curl around his arm.

“Yes, I apologize.” A final burst of green magic flew from Kyle’s finger into the vine, showering the whole forest in a lightshow of different hues of green. Cartman could only describe it as the forest taking a deep breath.

And then, Kyle promptly collapsed on the spot.


End file.
